our life

2010-04-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

We are closing in on another difficult day. Everyone has dates on the calendar that they circle, and April 21 is a date that we will never forget.

To remind everyone of where our journey from despair started, I tracked down this post from the past:

One week ago today, Thursday 21 April 2005 our daughter Ashlyn Leigh Shoemaker collapsed and died at Ball High School.

We hope to answer some of your questions.

AT 12:15, Ashlyn was walking to class and fell in the hallway outside the classroom of Ball High swim coach Mr. Kapp. He was immediately at her side to assist her and assured her that he was there to help her and comfort her. She was semi-conscious, struggling to breathe and had a very faint pulse.

The R.N at Ball High happened to be walking down the hallway when it occurred. She and Mr. Kapp moved Ashlyn into his empty classroom where they called 911. It was at this point that Ashlyn stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. They immediately performed CPR and called for the defibrillator that was on hand. The paramedics arrived within approximately five minutes of her collapse.

We received notification at 12:22PM that Ashlyn was being transported to UTMB-ER. Luckily, we were together in Houston and were able to support each other and pray for our daughter as we sped down to the island.

We were received at the ER by several close friends, Pearl, David Greene and Jason Bramlett as well as staff members from Ball High and UTMB staff.

The trauma team at UTMB did everything possible to revive Ashlyn but she was pronounced dead at 1:03PM.

Ashlyn had a genetic heart condition: hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, which is associated with sudden death in a very small percentage of those with the condition. I was diagnosed with the condition while I was pregnant with Ashlyn. My cardiologist informed me that half of my children would have the condition and that it can be diagnosed at adolescence.

The heart condition is not curable and there is little in the way of treatment. Ashlyn had never shown any symptoms from the condition and it is believed that her condition was very mild.
It is recommended that people with this condition not participate in high exertion varsity sports which resulted in her exclusion from many activities such as soccer, Jr. Lifeguards, etc. The only sport that we allowed her to do was surfing, which is considered less strenuous.
We take great comfort in knowing that she left this world quickly and peacefully, with a very kind man at her side to reassure her that she was to get all of the help possible. Short of having this episode occur in an ER, there were few places as well equipped to handle this type of situation.

The outpouring of sympathy after her death was both immediate and overwhelming. The loss that we felt as parents was indescribable and the outpouring of support from the many communities in our life was humbling.

The telephone was ringing constantly as her death made the news, and a procession of dear friends came to offer their support in many ways as we wept in agonizing pain. We appreciate all who supported us through the most difficult day of our lives.

The following Saturday evening, fellow students arranged a candlelight vigil at 47th and several hundred turned out on a beautiful spring evening as the full moon rose in the south. We told stories and celebrated a young woman who saw the best in people and buoyed all those that she met.

Arranging her funeral was incredibly difficult. However, the staff at Forest Park Lawndale were incredibly compassionate in assisting us through this tragedy and provided a steadying hand as we worked to arrange our final tribute to our dear daughter. John Powell and Tom Steelhammer are two individuals drawn to a very difficult industry that treated us with great compassion, dignity and respect.

Her viewing was held Sunday evening and hundreds came by to pay their final respects. There were suits and aloha shirts, rich and poor, black and white, which reminds us of one of Ashlyn’s favorite quotes:

“At the end of the game, both the King and the pawn go back into the same box.”
The funeral on Monday was a very busy time. We were both scurrying around trying to arrange every detail so that she had a perfect send off. At some point I overheard someone comment about the crowd and peeked out into the chapel. What I saw was incredible. Estimates ranged from 600 to 1000 people, with over 300 vehicles parked all over the cemetery. Tropical arrangements lined the chapel. We must have had every orchid available in Texas.
We chose three songs to be played during the service.

The first was performed by This Mortal Coil, Song to the Siren, written by Tim Buckly.
The second was by Tangerine Dream and Jon Anderson, Loved by the Sun, from Legend soundtrack, one of Ashlyn’s favorite movies.
The third was the Beatles, Here Comes the Sun.

For the final viewing, we instructed the staff to play the entire Green Day CD, which we thought the old folks might have disagreed with, but it brought smiles to the kids faces.

The final procession went for over an hour and we hugged hundreds of dear friends.

As we prepared to move to the graveside, the rain stopped and hundreds made their way to the graveside, where Ashlyn, aka LuLu, aka Tootie, was laid to rest next to her dear grandmother who helped raise her until she was 10 years old.

Our caring, kind and compassionate little surfer girl was laid to rest with her favorite shades on her head, a Girl in the Curl t-shirt, Billabong hoodie, jeans and checkered Vans. We have no doubt that her grandmother made her change clothes as soon as she arrived at the pearly gates.
The wake was at her grandfather’s house, where we told funny stories and visited with people very dear to us. This time was priceless and something that will stay with us forever.

We were fortunate enough that during the last few months we made dramatic changes in our life to focus on our family.

We moved the TV out of the living room. We had dinner EVERY night at the dinner table as a family instead in front of the TV. Preparing and cleaning up after our meal was a family event.
We played many games, a favorite was Hello Kitty Uno, which Joel only won once!

She loved to cook so we designated every Wednesday night her cook night. She loved art, music, poetry and literature so we designated one night a week to share art where everyone would bring something to discuss: a work of art and the artist, a poem and the poet and so on.

We made our daughter Ashlyn a priority in our life because we knew that she would be going off to university in just three short years.

A piece of advice that motivated us was a comment attributed to Charlie Cooke:
“Your REAL job does not start until you walk in the door from work.”
We feel very blessed to have lived our lives together over the past few months as if the days were numbered.

Ashlyn’s last year was incredible, her last month was incredible, and her last full day was spent with friends and family. She skipped school with her Mom and a friend and they went to the salon. Then we all made a huge meal and laughed and carried on until late in the evening on a school night.

Some final thoughts for the families out there:

- School is not the most important thing in life. Travel with your kids often and teach them about life and the world.

- If your life is cluttered with distractions that take away from your family, whether that be TV, the internet, alcohol, or hobbies not shared by all, ditch them….Simplify your life, because family is THE only thing that matters.

- Praise your kids often and scold them as little as necessary, they will make mistakes and you are blessed with the responsibility of helping them understand what the mistake was.
We thank all of the friends and family that have supported us through the last week. Our family will persevere and adjust to this new chapter in our life. As the pastor stated on Monday, this will be a long season of grieving, but there is a guarantee of better days ahead.

Aloha,
Crissy and Joel Helmke

2010-03-15T12:50:00.000-07:00

We are fast approaching one of those big days......4/21/2010.

It will be five years since that terrible day when our lives were turned inside out and we felt sadness that we did not know existed.

Our memories of Ashlyn are still bright and she is in our thoughts every day. She provides a great role model for her sister and brother even though she is not there to teach them valuable lessons herself, we teach them these lessons for her. We feel like our role as Ashlyn's parents are to act as an extension of her, investing time in things that she would find important and keeping her name on people's lips so she will never be lost to history.

Time is a healer, but it is also an enemy. Things change with time and the world today is much different than the world Ashlyn occupied, then left, five years ago. The places that she loved, such as the Carden Jackson School and the Balinese Room, are now gone. We will not be able to take her siblings to these places so they can be closer to the memory that we are trying to share with them. They will not run across the CJS gym, throwing confetti eggs at their father, or run down the Balinese Room pier on their way to see their friends as Ashlyn did. Those places are lost, as is the palm tree taken from us by the freeze that was once our final Christmas tree with Ashlyn. Every time you lose a place, or thing, it feels like you lose a brushstroke from a painting. You feel very motivated to try and replicate things, as if by doing so you are closer to that memory. As five years turns to ten, and changes continue that will become more and more challenging to do.

The past five years started off in darkness, but we now reside in a bright, happy light. Jacqueline and August have provided us with new opportunities to explore life and look forward to the future. Our life together as a family is incredible and we are now living a charmed existence. We look forward to the next five years and the many joys it will bring as Crissy and I grow a little older and grayer, watching our children learn the wonders of the world around them.

Like they say, Spring is the season of rebirth.

2009-04-21T17:42:00.000-07:00

RIP Ashlyn 5/20/1990 - 4/21/2005

She was a remarkable kid, special in a lot of ways, although I guess every parent sees treasure in their children.

She was good to people, especially old folks which she found fascinating, and the castoffs, in which she saw potential.

She had challenges in her life, which she worked hard to overcome and had a very bright future ahead of her.

I have always said that the unrealized potential saddened me the most because raising a child is such a huge investment and you always want the return to be a life bigger and better than your own.

We constantly ask ourselves where she would be today?.....Waikiki, San Francisco, NYC?.......where would she be going to college?........UCSB, NYU,GC?

It makes it a bit easier being able to imagine her in these settings because it at least pictures her in a place where she should be as opposed to Forest Park.

I can still pull her image to my mind, but the softness of her hand in mine and the tone of her voice are not quite as clear as the memory used to be.

We have worked pretty hard to keep her memory alive, because really that is the best we can do, but scholarships and grom roundups are poor substitutes for the real thing.

We'll never hear her speak our names, play with her new siblings, have children of her own or care for us when we are old.

All that JP and Gus will have are pictures and objects which will never mean to them what they mean to us.

The lesson to all of this is that your life can change forever in a second, and to appreciate the people in your life because they might not be there tomorrow.

We are guaranteed nothing, every day is a gift.

*** To support the Ashlyn Would Go! - Foundation for Futures, try the link in red below the last picture, in Program Designation select AWG!:
https://npo.networkforgood.org/Donate/D ... Id=1000393

2008-07-25T06:24:00.000-07:00

Well Boys and Girls, it has been a long time since our last post, which should be attributable to two things.

1) Things are good

2) We have been busy

We have grown our family once again, with the birth of August Freeman Helmke in April of 2008. He is a handsome dude and his sister JP absolutely loves him. It looks like Ashlyn once again picked us a winner.

It is hard to believe how far we as a family have comes in the last three years.

- planning for college to searching for good elementary schools

- retiring in our 50's to figuring out how to finance two in college in our 60's

- being consumed by sadness over loss to savoring every special moment with our gifts

Life is bright again, with great optimism and blessings to count.

While we will always feel incomplete, and sad that these kids won't have Ashlyn as a direct and brilliant influence in her life, we are very grateful for the parents that Ashlyn made us and we appreciate the many lessons that she learned that kept her humble, grateful and grounded.

This blog has represented a journey through a difficult and long season and we hope that anyone that experiences this kind of loss can find comfort from it and realize that life will go on and happiness will return.

2007-11-12T07:44:00.000-08:00

When Ashlyn died, a very wise man told us that this would be a sad season, but that better days lay ahead. When you are mired in that kind of grief, an all consuming grief, it is hard to imagine better days.

Well, he was right.

It is hard to count our blessings these days. A new, vibrant and healthy baby girl for all of us. Many of Ash's friends are growing into fine adults with big dreams. So many good things and the news of a little brother for Ashlyn and JP to join us in April to top everything off.

I talked to Ash this morning and thanked her for looking out for her family, all of her friends and the people that love her. I asked her to keep an eye on our friend Wes, as he rises to meet the significant challenges that he faces. She has grown into a source of strength for so many and that is the greatest compliment that I could make about her character.

We have someone missing every time we eat dinner, get ready in the morning, take a trip or have fun as a family. We take her with us, but we miss the personality that helped shape the culture of our family.

We have big plans to honor Ashlyn through her foundation and the first major scholarship that we will award to a Ball High grad this spring. Five thousand dollars, gathered from people that either loved Ash or were inspired by her story, will be awarded to a kid that we think will make a positive impact in the world. Most importantly, it may provide an opportunity that may not have otherwise been there for a kid to fulfill their potential, which is the thing that bothers me the most about Ash's passing.

I'm going to get back to work, sorry that the posts have become more and more infrequent, but it's because I have been so busy counting our blessings.

2007-04-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

A very tough day today.

It was on a Thursday two years ago that our old life ended. It was a rather innocent life, we had not really lost anyone close and the world was ours. One page at work from Ball High, one dreadful 45 minute drive to the UTMB ER and that was lost.

You cannot describe this kind of pain. Dark, dark, primitive pain.

We made noises, wails, that we had never made. We could not see due to the rivers of tears, our knees buckled and we shook.

Only through the support of people that we love did we survive that.

They fed us, they called us, they kept telling us that we would survive this and joy would again reenter our lives. To be honest, I did not believe them. Part of me wanted to leave everything behind because every reminder was just so painful.

But they were right. There is still a hole where a teenager should be, that will never go away. But there are new sources of light, new joys and challenges. Life is satisfying again, but we savor it like a fine meal. We treat it as if it could end at a moments notice and we want to squeeze every ounce out of it.

We are reminded of our girl constantly, and we cherish those moments. Every once in a while we get a gift, like the photo that I attached. I found it today.....a photo that we have not studied and tried to burn into our memory. This is from her school trip in 7th grade, which we ar so thankful that she took.

All of those kids are grown, driving, making adult decisions....sometimes living with adult consequences. We wonder aloud about what she would be into, what car she would be driving, where she would have gone to college.

We'll never know these things.

We will know that every day is a gift, we are not entitled to anything, and that the only thing that gives life value is the love that exists in it.

2007-02-09T14:13:00.000-08:00

Well, our little angel turned two months this week and what a two months this has been.

You notice every little change in an infant, everything is a milestone; the smiles, the coos, the little looks. We are enjoying every moment.

Crissy goes back to work in a wee or so and I know that will be tough. She sends me phone photos every day to keep me in touch and lets me give a bottle when I get home. I have to admit, the traditional family roles are working in a very non-traditional family.

We are trying to get reramped up on Ashlyn's scholarship. We are trying to get a meeting together with the GISD folks to discuss the award and find out how that will be administered. We also have a new sticker design on the way, just to freshen things up.

Plenty going on, especially with the parents. Mom Mosier, who in reality is my step-Mom's (Kathy) Mom, passed away recently after spending the last few years being dutifully cared for by Mom Kathy and my Dad. They deserve a medal, I hope my kids care for me in my late years as she has done. An example to all of us.

My Mom proved once again what we all knew, she is cut from granite. Had a lumpectomy to remove a malignancy and you could not even tell the next day. She was picking up and rocking the baby, being Super Grammy.

Gotta run and host a party for one of my departing docs.

Love to all.

2007-01-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

Special Delivery!

She has arrived and all are well.

Jacqueline Paige

Jacqueline Paige, born 12/6/06

6 lbs 14 oz 18.5 inches

We all enjoyed a great Christmas and had a good stretch of time off from work to get to know each other.

2006-08-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

It has been a while and lots has happened.

The biggest news is that we are going to have a baby.

Jacqueline Paige Helmke, due Dec 14.

This is obviously a very bittersweet thing as Ashlyn should be here to share this experience with us. She did have the honor of naming her, as this was the name she planned to use for her future daughter. We felt it was a nice way of tying the two together.

We continue to work on the house, but it looks good and we take time off to enjoy life as opposed to slaving all weekend on this ongoing project.

We have also made great progress with Ashlyn's Foundation. We had a successful fundraiser a while back and are up to 22k, which now resides at the Greater Houston Community Foundation, who manages the money for us.

We are sponsoring two kids contests this year and will be finalizing plans to award the first scholarship next year. We have also been in contact with other families who have suffered a similar loss due to HCM and do cardiac teasing in their communities, so we plan to learn from their example and do the same in Galveston and beyond.

We appreciate the outpouring of support and look forward to keeping Ashlyn's name alive in the community and do good works that she would approve of.

Mahalo

Team Jola

2006-05-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to report that at the recent Yaga's Children Fundraiser, they were kind enough to allow us to set up a table and we raised over $2,000. The YCF last year raised funds and purchased a defibrillator for Ball High in Ashlyn's name.

The foundation is really coming together and we have almost $22k committed to the effort. We have met some really great people who are in similar situations with loved ones and it has been good for us to try and find a positive avenue to channel our efforts.

Thanks to everyone who has supported this effort, I think Ashlyn is very proud of us.

PS - If you are interested in helping us reach our goal of $25k, please go to www.ashlynwouldgo.com for donation information.

2006-05-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Thursday, 20 April 2006

On a very normal Thursday one year ago April 21st, we received a call that would drastically alter the lives of our family. While moving from class to class during TAKS, our daughter collapsed and died at Ball High.

Since that time, we have pondered the meaning of life and concluded one very important thing....there are no guarantees of tomorrow.

Life is a fleeting thing and our mortality is a given, yet many of us take this for granted and squander the time that we have been provided by our maker.

There are plenty of you that cried with us during those dark days and reassured us that better days are ahead. We have learned a year later that this is true.

We grieve for someone that offered the world so much, but left us with such unrealized potential....or so we thought.

We have learned of so many instances where her spirit has motivated others to go places where she may have gone herself if given the opportunity...and the time.

We look to her and her example, hoping for that extra bit of courage and motivation, confidence and compassion. Her potential is being realized every day through the actions of many.
In an effort to help others reach their potential, we have established the Ashlyn Would Go! - Foundation for Futures.

This is a legitimate non-profit foundation whose broad mission will be devoted to promoting education, raising awareness regarding cardiac diseases and supporting the surfing tribes of Texas that have provided us with some very broad shoulders to cry on.

The funds raised to date and all future funds will be invested through the Greater Houston Community Foundation and can only be expended to non-profit entities, i.e. schools, churches or other 501(c)3 entities.

We would like to thank all of you, and especially our brothers and sisters at Surfrider Foundation, Texas Chapter for helping to support our efforts and making all of this possible.

We are in the process of updating the www.AshlynWouldGo.com website, so check back soon for updated info and other items.

Mahalo

Crissy & Joel Helmke

2006-04-21T08:07:00.000-07:00

A child is such a precious gift.

Photos:
Oahu - March 2004

2006-03-06T14:50:00.000-08:00

It's been a few months, but to be honest, time seems to be passing pretty quickly these days.

Crissy's surgery went fine. She has a lump under her left shoulder where the defibrillator is and she has plans to adorn it with rhinestones and temporary tattoos this summer at the beach.

It has actually gone off a few times to regulate her heartbeat (arrythmia), which was wild, but it just goes to show how much we did not know about her condition too. Regardless, she added a lot of security to our lives.

Since I last posted, we had an incredible trip to San Francisco, which was a trip we were planning with Ash. She would have felt really comfortable there, the culture is so tolerant and unique.

I was out on business, so when I had meetings, Cris managed to shoot about 700 photos. She really has an eye and seems to take refuge behind the lens.

We also made a short trip to Las Vegas for another business meeting, but I don't think that Vegas is really our speed. We don't drink, we don't gamble. If it ain't coastal, then we probably are not interested.

The lights in Vegas are cool though.

The house remains torn up, but we are sure that once we are finished that we will have added a lot of character to our home.

One last thing. We visited LuLu's grave and set her up with the only lucky bamboo display in the cemetary, courtesy of her Aunt Tina. We think she would be stoked. If you look hard, you can also ID the rocking Hello Kitty that is zip lines to the urn. The 1 year anniversary of her death is coming up and we are planning to play hookie from work with a bunch of teenagers playing hookie from school and will be having a beach party that day.

Please join us.

2006-01-09T12:25:00.000-08:00

This was a big weekend. We are in the process of remodelling our house and had to deal with Ash's room. Granted, most of the time she was in the room it was a biohazard zone. My guess is that 300-400 candybar wrappers and cans have at one time taken up residence under her futon.

When you lose a kid, their memory becomes an addiction. I just need a little more, a little more. You want things to trigger intense, detailed flashbacks.

Well, we cleaned out all of the products from her bathroom and I'm like..."this may have been the last thing that touched her armpit (her deodorant)"...or "this hair hanging onto this sticky goopy mess came from her precious head"

The general sentimentality evaporated when I opened something hoping to catch a fragrance that reminded me of her and was greeted by a rank smell from something that had been sitting for 8 months.

I am sure the little shit was chuckling her ass off wherever she is.

We are going to box her clothes and possessions and go through them down the road. We are supposedly going to make a t-shirt quilt, which should be easy because the princess had about 500 t-shirts. She was easy to buy for.

To be honest, clearing her room has not been too grueling. Sad yes, but not the debilitating grief that we were anticipating.

We feel strongly that we gave our baby as good a life as possible. We wanted everything for her and she surely would have experienced the world and many amazing things if we would have had more time together. It is not fair that we did not have that chance, but we do not have much in the way of regret and that is a blessing.

Crissy will be going in this week to have a deribrillator implanted in her chest to prevent a cardiac episode similar to what took Ashlyn's life. This is kind of scary, but will give us some peace of mind.

So please cross you fingers and pray to the God of your choice that this is a piece of cake.

2005-12-28T07:34:00.000-08:00

We are back from NY and back at work. NY was fun and full of distractions, which is what we need a lot of....distractions.

We saw some shows, hung out with old and new friends and enjoyed the energy.

It kept our mind off of the obvious, but reality is a hard thing to hide from for very long.

We sure do miss our teenager.

Love you LuLu

2005-12-20T14:59:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas.

A lot has happened since my last post.

We have been trying to stay busy over the holidays and have been occupying our time with house projects and some travel.

We were in Costa Rica over Thanksgiving with some dear friends. We had lots of adventures and caught lots of waves. It was good to be around friends with kids, we miss the laughter and commotion.

Shortly after getting back we attended as Christmas memorial at the funeral home with NoNo. We visited NoNi and Ashlyn, who still had a Hello Kitty doll attached to her vase of flowers. We scattered some sand from a beautiful beach in Costa Rica that we hiked to. We wanted her to know that me missed her on that trip, but I am sure that she knew that already. The memorial was tough and everyone took turns crying. We wrote her name on an ornament and hung it on their memorial tree, next to many others. Some were written by children remembering a parent. It taught me that mortality does not discriminate. We went and had a great dinner and shared stories, but it became obvious that this was going to be a tough holiday season.

Christmas is proving to be very difficult. Everyone wants you to be happy and merry. Well tough shit, that's probably not going to happen. We are not moping and are staying busy, but it seems so fake to celebrate. This Christmas will be defined by what is missing and that's just how it is. We hope that next year we have something to be thankful for. No tree this year, no presenst to wrap, just things to keep us busy.

We leave for New York this week and hope that the sights and sounds of that great city will be good medicine. We will be meeting up with a good friend who is celebrating a new baby and will be thoroughly enjoying some time together.

We plan on visiting a lot of museums, eating good food, seeing a show or two and taking it easy.

Next month we will be visiting San Francisco, which is a trip we were planning with Ash. She would have fit right in in SF.

Well, have a Merry Christmas, we will talk again soon.

2005-10-31T08:52:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I checked in and a lot has happened.

October proved to be a good month for us.

We had a great fundraiser for the scholarship fund with the help of Surfrider. The event was at the Balinese Room and was well attended. We had a long day, but after 7 bands, we retired for the night satisfied that we had done a good job. Putting on a party is a lot of hard work! Special thanks to Steve Kuchta for all of his efforts in getting this event together.

We watched with the whole city as the Astros won their first pennant. This resulted in some late nights, but it was great for the city.

We also helped support the Galveston Open with TGSA. The event was a huge success, with variable, but sometimes good waves to be had. We saw all of the usual suspects out at our jetty and got to see all of our beach children. This was the event that Ashlyn surfed last year, having paid her entry fee on the beach with her babysitting money. We got a call at 8 am telling us that she needed a longboard. She surfed her butt off in horrible conditions, but was totally determined to surf that contest. She met some really great kids that day that remained her friends to the day that she died. Surfing is really something special. It is a family sport, that encourages you to travel together and experience different cultures in pursuit of waves. What a gift. I was a judge in the contest, having been encouraged to participate by Bob, my bro from back to high school days. It was fun, but two days on the beach from sunup to sundown can take it's toll. Crissy was the flag girl, who is essentially the traffic cop that keeps things on schedule. We are very grateful for the support that TGSA has provided us.

October also had my sister Tina hitting town. Tina and Ash were very close and we told a number of neat stories about Ash from years past. Tina's daughter Amanda recenty gave birth to Ashlyn Isiah, who will most likely get a little ribbing after being named after his supercool, but female cousin. Maybe like the Boy Named Sue, he will be the better for it. Johnny Cash knew what he was talking about. We also saw my favorite aunts, Louise and Alice, when Tina was down. They drove in from Baton Rouge, which is still recovering from the exodus from New Orleans. My Mom and Bonus Mom and Dad and brother and niece and nephew also paid homage to Tina and drove down to the island while she was down.

November looks to be a good month. Things are cooling down and we will be headed south to Costa Rica to travel the coast with some dear friends. Sheri and Rob are like family and we all go way back. Rob and I raised a little hell in college and Cris and Sheri worked together for a while. They have a great family and raised stellar kids. Their daughter recently put together a pamphlet for Ash's website. When I was a kid, I played with Lincoln Logs. Kids these days do desktop publishing.

We will be starting some projects in our house this month. We will be gutting Ash's room and trying to restore the hardwood floors throughout the house. We are not even going to try and go through her stuff, just boxing it up and storing it. We may smell her stuff as we put it away. It's funny that we miss how she smells. One day we may thin it out, but do not be surprised if when we get moved into an old folks home that our kids discover these boxes as we packed them.

We have had some sad moments this month. Her headstone came in and it came out great. We wanted hibiscus carved into it and they did a great job. As a parent, you get excited to see your kids name in print. On diplomas, newsclippings, awards, etc. Let me tell you how difficult it is to see your kid's name carved into a piece of granite. Her nickname, LULU, is carved into it and it has a bronze vase added to it. It was very well done, but has already been stickered with an Ashlyn Would Go! sticker. Hmmmmm, I wonder who did that?

2005-09-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

Joel and I are hanging in here just trying to appreciate each day to its fullest and trying to plan for a brighter future. We are getting ready to renovate our house which will be a big job but we are excited about planning out a new kitchen and bathroom, refurbishing the original hardwood floors and whatnot.

We feel so fortunate to have missed the wrath of Hurricane Rita. We evacuated our home in Galveston early Wednesday morning and thankfully missed the gridlock on the roadways so many people encountered.

Joel and I were really freaking out for a while when Rita's bullseye was Galveston Island! Many thanks to Levi and Nancy for putting up with us and our two dogs for four days. We appreciate the warm hospitality they gave to us during our stay.

We have a new grand-nephew! Our niece Amanda recently gave birth to a beautiful baby BOY who she named Ashlyn Isaiah Helmke. Mom and baby are healthy and doing well. Joel and I are so honored that Amanda named him in memory of Ashlyn.

Joel and I attended a dear friend Kasey's wedding recently in South Padre. It was a beautiful wedding on the beach followed by a very nice reception. The wedding was perfect and exactly what Joel and I believe Ashlyn would have wanted. Best wishes to Kasey and Ryan and our deepest appreciation to them for remembering Ashlyn at their wedding!

We have decided to travel for the holidays this year and are planning a trip to Costa Rica for Thanksgiving and New York for Christmas. We just don't want to be around for the holidays this year without Ashlyn .

We have ordered Ashlyn's memorial Marker (headstone) and it should arrive soon. It was a difficult order to place. Not only seeing our daughters name and born/death dates, but deciding on a design that we think she would like. We wanted it to be perfect and...it's etched in stone so no re-do's.

I had a beautiful dream recently. The first part took place in our laundry room...yes I was doing laundry...lots of it....Ashlyn's laundry! Some of the dream seemed so familiar and so real. I'm guessing she'd just finished cleaning up her room just like when she was here and as always a huge, mountainous pile of laundry would appear in the utility room.

In my dream Ashlyn had so many cute new swimsuits all very colorful with neat patterns and cute new clothes too. I guess she's doing quite a bit more surfing now and she's probably got folks lined up for lessons.

After the wash was done we were outside hanging her clothes on a clothes line. It was a beautiful day, the sky was bright blue with white puffy clouds and there was a light breeze.

Ashlyn was smiling...and we were laughing together...and she was so happy.

Oh how I miss her and everything about her and I miss doing her laundry!

I miss being a Mom...I know that I'm still her Mom just as she is still my girl but it's different. I am learning to appreciate it though and I feel so blessed and I am thankful to have had her here for almost 15 years. She is still very much alive in my heart and I see her everyday in so many things and situations that I encounter every day.

One of Ashlyn's favorite quotes: At the end of the day, the King and the Pon go back in the same box.

(Photo by GScott Imaging)

2005-09-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

The contest was a hit!

After a crazy week (another post), we met on the beach Saturday morning for the Ashlyn Would Go Grom Roundup. The weather looked ominous, but the kids were beaming. We had about 30 kids competing in an "everybody wins" contest. There were medals, goodie bags and shirts for all of the kids involved. A tremendous amount of effort from several folks in TGSA went into this..Charlie, Wes, Bob et al did a great job as evidenced by the stoked looks on the kids faces. Basic Flair did a jamup job on the medals and trophies, with a smiling image of Ash on each. The photo was our last trip as a family to Hanalei Bay.

Somehow, the weather parted above us all day long. There were showers on either side, but nothing from sunshine coming from the kids. Many friendships were born on that beach and I have a feeling that many of these kids will be seeing a lot of each other over the years at TGSA events.

I honestly felt Ash's presence that morning. She loved kids and would have enjoyed the looks on their faces.

I did see one porpoise jump completely out of the water, it was the only porpoise that I saw that day.

Maybe LuLu was giving us her stamp of approval.

2005-08-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

After many months of unwelcome quiet, we plan to insert some energy into our house this weekend. Our nieces are visiting for the weekend and we plan to give them a heaping helping of down home beach life.

For the first time in a long time, we went shopping for kid food. Chips, yogurt, etc.

I hope they tank up on cookies and caffeine and keep us up all night laughing.

They hung out a few weeks ago and reflected in Ashlyn in the most genuine ways. Adults generally say the same things, "we are sorry for your loss"...etc. The girls say things that are obviously from the heart and sincere. "What kind of snowcones did Ashlyn like?" "I wish Ashlyn was surfing with us?"

These girls are precious.

We met with GISD administration this week. It was the first time to see their faces since everything happened and it was kind of comforting. The staff showed us back in April just how tight the Galveston community is. We showed them the Ashlyn Would Go! stickers we had printed and talked about the scholarship fund. The Ball High principal looked at the logo and said."this explains a lot." It turns our that Ashlyn Would Go! is being scribbled throughout the high school. Although we do not condone the defacing of school property, we thought that kind of kicked ass. I know that she is proud of herself and the impact that she has made on this community.

The Saturday before classes started, we went bowling with the kids and had a blast. They were getting geared up for classes, and they all had new school shoes on. It was bittersweet, but we really fed off of their energy. The Double A's called us on Monday to give us updates on their first day, which generally centered on the lack of good looking girls in their classes. They are both turning into handsome young men, so I do not doubt that their long term prospects with the ladies will be good.

Mama's job appears to be going well. She is really in with a good group, but I am a little jealous that she gets so many free lunches. Fortunately, she took time out of her busy schedule to join me for Vietnamese this week.

Got to get back to work. Miss you Lulu.

2005-08-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

It has been a crazy week.

We are very happy to announce that on Sept 10, we will be sponsoring the TGSA Grom Roundup - In Memory of Ashlyn Shoemaker.

This is a surfing contest for kids 13 and under. It is essentially free and is meant to encourage participation in amateur surfing, while having a fun day at the beach. It will be held at 47th, aka Lulu's, aka Jola's, in front of Academy.

We are very stoked and grateful for the efforts of Charlie Cooke and Andy Nall, two great guys and all around homeboys, to get this event going. More details at www.tgsa.org

It should be a fitting tribute to Ash.

Short story:

Ash had talked about surfing in contests. We encouraged her to wait, practice and try in a year or two.

The morning of the Galveston Open last year, we get a phone call from Ash on the Seawall at about 8 am on a Sat morning.

She took her babysitting money (which she hoarded) and paid her entry fee and needed us to bring her a longboard.

She surfed her heat and we were just the proudest parents on the jetty, cheering on our girl. She caught a few good waves on a really crummy day and rode in. She was so excited, she got out of the water with tears streaming down her face and was fixing to hyperventilate. She did not make it past her heat, but she competed.

One of our proudest moments. What a kid.

2005-08-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

Lola started her new job today. She spent yesterday in Dallas for orientation and I am glad to say that we survived a night apart. However, I can tell you that the silence in our house is deafening without the constant jibber-jabber of Ash on her cell phone or typing as she IM'd her crew.

The first day on the job sounds like it has gone well. We only talked once today, so I will get the complete update when I pick her up. She was pretty stoked to return to the energy of downtown Houston. She looked like a million bucks this morning.

While she was in Dallas Sun night, I discovered a very precious thing. The night before Ash died, we made cookies. Well, it seems that the next morning she needed a bite of chocolate chip cookie and took one. The rest of the cookie was placed with the others back in the microwave.

That cookie, which has a perfectly shaped bite taken from it, now resides for perpetuity in our freezer. I had visions of showing our future kids this cookie and explaining to them that Ash had perfect teeth. Can you bronze cookies?

2005-08-08T08:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since we have posted. Overall, it has been an OK week. It seems like our general mood has been good, but there have been some tough moments.

We found that Ash's friends continue to e-mail her. They look to her for support when they are sad just like we do. It's humbling to read the things that they write. This kid really made an impact on people. We should all be so lucky as to have that powerful of an impact on society.

We bumped into a few of her friends on Saturday. They are all getting ready for school and are excited about an upcoming concert. Ash would have undoubtedly been looking forward to the same things. It is amazing how much these kids have grown up in the last 3.5 months. I think the things that I am most sad about are the milestones that we will be missing. Prom, graduation, etc.

Brian and Andrea have finished the first page of Ash's website: www.ashlynwouldgo.com / www.ashlynshoemaker.com

It is beautiful and we have high hopes for the role that this will play for keeping her legacy alive for years to come. Brian and Andrea are dear friends that go waaaaay back. We took a trip with them a few years back to Costa Rica and cruised all over the place.

It has been amazing the amount of support that we have received from friends and family. At times, it has been the only thing that has kept us afloat.

Much love to Brian and Andrea for their efforts on the website.

If you need some quality web development, give Brian and ring. www.softscience.com

2005-08-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

We saw all of the "back to school" stuff hit the paper this weekend. It's going to be very strange this fall to not gear up for the school year.

We really had a good weekend this weekend. No real plans, just hung out with good friends and had a low stress level all weekend. Every day still has somber moments, but we seem to be dealing with them well. The problem is that people ask "how are you two doing?" and we just don't know. We don't have anything to compare this to.

The next few months should be interesting, possibly stressful, but interesting.

Cris starts her new job.

Maybe we get some things done to the house.

Spending the holidays on the road.

We think it is important to let the holidays be about the kids that are still here and not be dominated by conversation about the one that isn't. Ash would want that.

2005-07-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

Wow...I miss her so much. It has only been three months since she died and it seems like an eternity.

Ashlyn, Mom loves you and I wish that I could hold your hand.

2005-07-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

Today is three months to the day that we had to let Ashlyn go. I think we can look back and be proud of the effort that we made with her funeral and the paddle out, but it seems like there is never enough that could have been done to truly show the world what she means to us. There are so many little occasions that slip by where you REALLY miss her involvement in some way. She was a great kid, but she was also great company to be around. Seeing her friends at the beach was hard this weekend, because that is where she should have been. This should have been the greatest summer that she had ever had.

We finally received the ME report this past Friday and discussed it with a physician friend. It did not appear that there was too much mechanically unusual with her heart, which makes us think that it was an electrical issue that took her life as our cardiologist suspected. Although it does not provide much comfort, it reinforces that we did not underreact to her condition. She just happened to be one of the 5% of kids that die from this condition.

We are planning to go visit "the girls"(Ash and NoNi) after work. We picked up some flower pinwheels to decorate their corner of the cemetary. (Cemetary is such a depressing word, I think I will use "resting place" instead from now on). An old friend placed a big flower pinwheel there some time ago, and thankfully the maintenance staff have left it. There are all kids of rules about such things, but it looks cute so we appreciate them ignoring it's presence.

2005-07-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

our life

Joel had jury duty today on the island so I made the commute to Houston solo.

Today is Thursday, 21 July and for many it is just another day but in our reality it is exactly three months since Ashlyn died.

Last night I was thinking that maybe we'd hit dawn patrol and enjoy some nice surf before work, but I was so tired and instead I slept in. I felt so warm and secure in bed snuggled up next to Joel but I finally got up and dressed for the day.

On my way to work, I took seawall as we always do and seeing the surf was crummy, I was glad that I snoozed.

I made a quick stop into Starbucks @ Randall's on 61st Street. Being a regular customer, William had my vente iced latté ready before I even placed my order.

As usual, I caught the light at 61st Street @ Broadway and was told "have a blessed day" and exchanged a friendly wave and a smile with the regular newspaper salesman at that corner.

I was listening to track #2 on the Thicker than Water soundtrack by Jack Johnson as I drove north to the mainland. This music reminds me of a memorable time in Kauai that we shared with Ashlyn and our dear friend Barret.

While I approached the causeway I scanned the horizon for seabirds and to my surprise...a big beautiful rainbow filled the sky...my heart sank and I started to cry and I cried harder because I know that was Ashlyn and....God telling me that everything was going to be alright.

As I crossed the causeway, the vivid colors grew from a partial to a full arch rainbow. It was so beautiful...just like Ashlyn.

I reached the mainland and I remembered that my camera was in the trunk of my car so I stopped to take a few shots. The rainbow was not as vivid from where I stood and I couldn't get a good angle but I think that I at least got an image.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Thicker than Water soundtrack, the second song is titled Rainbow. It is a beautiful song.

Click here to listen: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000UX5IY/ref=pd_sxp_f/002-4884351-6509644?v=glance&s=music

2005-07-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

it looks like the first post worked!

ahhh, technology.

here is a shot of our daughter, ashlyn, and her mom.

she was a great kid that was growing into a clever, funny, creative and compassionate young woman.

she passed away on April 21, 2005, while running between classes at school.

she was a month shy of 15.

obviously, we miss her, but we also feel a great sadness about all of the milestones in life that we will not experience with her. her passing was a lesson to many that there are no guarantees of tomorrow and delayed gratification only works if you know that you will be there to receive it.

we discovered blogging through a friend who has a son with leukemia. blogging keeps her from jumping off of buildings, so we hope it will help us out as well.

2005-07-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

this is the story of our family.

we are two rehabilitated 80's new wavers, living life on a sub-tropical island, dealing with the recent loss of our teenage daughter.

when you lose your kid, you get lots of advice from people who are fortunate enough to have never lost a child. it's kind of like having people tell you what to do in New York when they have never left Texas.

we are three months into the journey that is the rest of our life, getting reacquainted with each other and planning for the next major undertakings.

i am joel, she is lola, together we are team jola