Monday, March 15, 2010

We are fast approaching one of those big days......4/21/2010.

It will be five years since that terrible day when our lives were turned inside out and we felt sadness that we did not know existed.

Our memories of Ashlyn are still bright and she is in our thoughts every day. She provides a great role model for her sister and brother even though she is not there to teach them valuable lessons herself, we teach them these lessons for her. We feel like our role as Ashlyn's parents are to act as an extension of her, investing time in things that she would find important and keeping her name on people's lips so she will never be lost to history.

Time is a healer, but it is also an enemy. Things change with time and the world today is much different than the world Ashlyn occupied, then left, five years ago. The places that she loved, such as the Carden Jackson School and the Balinese Room, are now gone. We will not be able to take her siblings to these places so they can be closer to the memory that we are trying to share with them. They will not run across the CJS gym, throwing confetti eggs at their father, or run down the Balinese Room pier on their way to see their friends as Ashlyn did. Those places are lost, as is the palm tree taken from us by the freeze that was once our final Christmas tree with Ashlyn. Every time you lose a place, or thing, it feels like you lose a brushstroke from a painting. You feel very motivated to try and replicate things, as if by doing so you are closer to that memory. As five years turns to ten, and changes continue that will become more and more challenging to do.

The past five years started off in darkness, but we now reside in a bright, happy light. Jacqueline and August have provided us with new opportunities to explore life and look forward to the future. Our life together as a family is incredible and we are now living a charmed existence. We look forward to the next five years and the many joys it will bring as Crissy and I grow a little older and grayer, watching our children learn the wonders of the world around them.

Like they say, Spring is the season of rebirth.