Thursday, April 19, 2007

A very tough day today.

It was on a Thursday two years ago that our old life ended. It was a rather innocent life, we had not really lost anyone close and the world was ours. One page at work from Ball High, one dreadful 45 minute drive to the UTMB ER and that was lost.

You cannot describe this kind of pain. Dark, dark, primitive pain.

We made noises, wails, that we had never made. We could not see due to the rivers of tears, our knees buckled and we shook.

Only through the support of people that we love did we survive that.

They fed us, they called us, they kept telling us that we would survive this and joy would again reenter our lives. To be honest, I did not believe them. Part of me wanted to leave everything behind because every reminder was just so painful.

But they were right. There is still a hole where a teenager should be, that will never go away. But there are new sources of light, new joys and challenges. Life is satisfying again, but we savor it like a fine meal. We treat it as if it could end at a moments notice and we want to squeeze every ounce out of it.

We are reminded of our girl constantly, and we cherish those moments. Every once in a while we get a gift, like the photo that I attached. I found it today.....a photo that we have not studied and tried to burn into our memory. This is from her school trip in 7th grade, which we ar so thankful that she took.

All of those kids are grown, driving, making adult decisions....sometimes living with adult consequences. We wonder aloud about what she would be into, what car she would be driving, where she would have gone to college.
We'll never know these things.
We will know that every day is a gift, we are not entitled to anything, and that the only thing that gives life value is the love that exists in it.