Monday, July 25, 2005

Wow...I miss her so much. It has only been three months since she died and it seems like an eternity.

Ashlyn, Mom loves you and I wish that I could hold your hand.

Today is three months to the day that we had to let Ashlyn go. I think we can look back and be proud of the effort that we made with her funeral and the paddle out, but it seems like there is never enough that could have been done to truly show the world what she means to us. There are so many little occasions that slip by where you REALLY miss her involvement in some way. She was a great kid, but she was also great company to be around. Seeing her friends at the beach was hard this weekend, because that is where she should have been. This should have been the greatest summer that she had ever had.

We finally received the ME report this past Friday and discussed it with a physician friend. It did not appear that there was too much mechanically unusual with her heart, which makes us think that it was an electrical issue that took her life as our cardiologist suspected. Although it does not provide much comfort, it reinforces that we did not underreact to her condition. She just happened to be one of the 5% of kids that die from this condition.

We are planning to go visit "the girls"(Ash and NoNi) after work. We picked up some flower pinwheels to decorate their corner of the cemetary. (Cemetary is such a depressing word, I think I will use "resting place" instead from now on). An old friend placed a big flower pinwheel there some time ago, and thankfully the maintenance staff have left it. There are all kids of rules about such things, but it looks cute so we appreciate them ignoring it's presence.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

our life

Joel had jury duty today on the island so I made the commute to Houston solo.

Today is Thursday, 21 July and for many it is just another day but in our reality it is exactly three months since Ashlyn died.

Last night I was thinking that maybe we'd hit dawn patrol and enjoy some nice surf before work, but I was so tired and instead I slept in. I felt so warm and secure in bed snuggled up next to Joel but I finally got up and dressed for the day.

On my way to work, I took seawall as we always do and seeing the surf was crummy, I was glad that I snoozed.

I made a quick stop into Starbucks @ Randall's on 61st Street. Being a regular customer, William had my vente iced latté ready before I even placed my order.

As usual, I caught the light at 61st Street @ Broadway and was told "have a blessed day" and exchanged a friendly wave and a smile with the regular newspaper salesman at that corner.

I was listening to track #2 on the Thicker than Water soundtrack by Jack Johnson as I drove north to the mainland. This music reminds me of a memorable time in Kauai that we shared with Ashlyn and our dear friend Barret.

While I approached the causeway I scanned the horizon for seabirds and to my surprise...a big beautiful rainbow filled the heart sank and I started to cry and I cried harder because I know that was Ashlyn and....God telling me that everything was going to be alright.

As I crossed the causeway, the vivid colors grew from a partial to a full arch rainbow. It was so beautiful...just like Ashlyn.

I reached the mainland and I remembered that my camera was in the trunk of my car so I stopped to take a few shots. The rainbow was not as vivid from where I stood and I couldn't get a good angle but I think that I at least got an image.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Thicker than Water soundtrack, the second song is titled Rainbow. It is a beautiful song.

Click here to listen:

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

it looks like the first post worked!

ahhh, technology.

here is a shot of our daughter, ashlyn, and her mom.

she was a great kid that was growing into a clever, funny, creative and compassionate young woman.

she passed away on April 21, 2005, while running between classes at school.

she was a month shy of 15.

obviously, we miss her, but we also feel a great sadness about all of the milestones in life that we will not experience with her. her passing was a lesson to many that there are no guarantees of tomorrow and delayed gratification only works if you know that you will be there to receive it.

we discovered blogging through a friend who has a son with leukemia. blogging keeps her from jumping off of buildings, so we hope it will help us out as well.

this is the story of our family.

we are two rehabilitated 80's new wavers, living life on a sub-tropical island, dealing with the recent loss of our teenage daughter.

when you lose your kid, you get lots of advice from people who are fortunate enough to have never lost a child. it's kind of like having people tell you what to do in New York when they have never left Texas.

we are three months into the journey that is the rest of our life, getting reacquainted with each other and planning for the next major undertakings.

i am joel, she is lola, together we are team jola