RIP Ashlyn 5/20/1990 - 4/21/2005

She was a remarkable kid, special in a lot of ways, although I guess every parent sees treasure in their children.

She was good to people, especially old folks which she found fascinating, and the castoffs, in which she saw potential.

She had challenges in her life, which she worked hard to overcome and had a very bright future ahead of her.

I have always said that the unrealized potential saddened me the most because raising a child is such a huge investment and you always want the return to be a life bigger and better than your own.

We constantly ask ourselves where she would be today?.....Waikiki, San Francisco, NYC?.......where would she be going to college?........UCSB, NYU,GC?

It makes it a bit easier being able to imagine her in these settings because it at least pictures her in a place where she should be as opposed to Forest Park.

I can still pull her image to my mind, but the softness of her hand in mine and the tone of her voice are not quite as clear as the memory used to be.

We have worked pretty hard to keep her memory alive, because really that is the best we can do, but scholarships and grom roundups are poor substitutes for the real thing.

We'll never hear her speak our names, play with her new siblings, have children of her own or care for us when we are old.

All that JP and Gus will have are pictures and objects which will never mean to them what they mean to us.

The lesson to all of this is that your life can change forever in a second, and to appreciate the people in your life because they might not be there tomorrow.

We are guaranteed nothing, every day is a gift.

*** To support the Ashlyn Would Go! - Foundation for Futures, try the link in red below the last picture, in Program Designation select AWG!:
https://npo.networkforgood.org/Donate/D ... Id=1000393

Well Boys and Girls, it has been a long time since our last post, which should be attributable to two things.

1) Things are good

2) We have been busy

We have grown our family once again, with the birth of August Freeman Helmke in April of 2008. He is a handsome dude and his sister JP absolutely loves him. It looks like Ashlyn once again picked us a winner.

It is hard to believe how far we as a family have comes in the last three years.

- planning for college to searching for good elementary schools

- retiring in our 50's to figuring out how to finance two in college in our 60's

- being consumed by sadness over loss to savoring every special moment with our gifts

Life is bright again, with great optimism and blessings to count.

While we will always feel incomplete, and sad that these kids won't have Ashlyn as a direct and brilliant influence in her life, we are very grateful for the parents that Ashlyn made us and we appreciate the many lessons that she learned that kept her humble, grateful and grounded.

This blog has represented a journey through a difficult and long season and we hope that anyone that experiences this kind of loss can find comfort from it and realize that life will go on and happiness will return.

When Ashlyn died, a very wise man told us that this would be a sad season, but that better days lay ahead. When you are mired in that kind of grief, an all consuming grief, it is hard to imagine better days.

Well, he was right.

It is hard to count our blessings these days. A new, vibrant and healthy baby girl for all of us. Many of Ash's friends are growing into fine adults with big dreams. So many good things and the news of a little brother for Ashlyn and JP to join us in April to top everything off.

I talked to Ash this morning and thanked her for looking out for her family, all of her friends and the people that love her. I asked her to keep an eye on our friend Wes, as he rises to meet the significant challenges that he faces. She has grown into a source of strength for so many and that is the greatest compliment that I could make about her character.

We have someone missing every time we eat dinner, get ready in the morning, take a trip or have fun as a family. We take her with us, but we miss the personality that helped shape the culture of our family.

We have big plans to honor Ashlyn through her foundation and the first major scholarship that we will award to a Ball High grad this spring. Five thousand dollars, gathered from people that either loved Ash or were inspired by her story, will be awarded to a kid that we think will make a positive impact in the world. Most importantly, it may provide an opportunity that may not have otherwise been there for a kid to fulfill their potential, which is the thing that bothers me the most about Ash's passing.

I'm going to get back to work, sorry that the posts have become more and more infrequent, but it's because I have been so busy counting our blessings.

A very tough day today.

It was on a Thursday two years ago that our old life ended. It was a rather innocent life, we had not really lost anyone close and the world was ours. One page at work from Ball High, one dreadful 45 minute drive to the UTMB ER and that was lost.

You cannot describe this kind of pain. Dark, dark, primitive pain.

We made noises, wails, that we had never made. We could not see due to the rivers of tears, our knees buckled and we shook.

Only through the support of people that we love did we survive that.

They fed us, they called us, they kept telling us that we would survive this and joy would again reenter our lives. To be honest, I did not believe them. Part of me wanted to leave everything behind because every reminder was just so painful.

But they were right. There is still a hole where a teenager should be, that will never go away. But there are new sources of light, new joys and challenges. Life is satisfying again, but we savor it like a fine meal. We treat it as if it could end at a moments notice and we want to squeeze every ounce out of it.

We are reminded of our girl constantly, and we cherish those moments. Every once in a while we get a gift, like the photo that I attached. I found it today.....a photo that we have not studied and tried to burn into our memory. This is from her school trip in 7th grade, which we ar so thankful that she took.

All of those kids are grown, driving, making adult decisions....sometimes living with adult consequences. We wonder aloud about what she would be into, what car she would be driving, where she would have gone to college.

We'll never know these things.

We will know that every day is a gift, we are not entitled to anything, and that the only thing that gives life value is the love that exists in it.

Well, our little angel turned two months this week and what a two months this has been.

You notice every little change in an infant, everything is a milestone; the smiles, the coos, the little looks. We are enjoying every moment.

Crissy goes back to work in a wee or so and I know that will be tough. She sends me phone photos every day to keep me in touch and lets me give a bottle when I get home. I have to admit, the traditional family roles are working in a very non-traditional family.

We are trying to get reramped up on Ashlyn's scholarship. We are trying to get a meeting together with the GISD folks to discuss the award and find out how that will be administered. We also have a new sticker design on the way, just to freshen things up.

Plenty going on, especially with the parents. Mom Mosier, who in reality is my step-Mom's (Kathy) Mom, passed away recently after spending the last few years being dutifully cared for by Mom Kathy and my Dad. They deserve a medal, I hope my kids care for me in my late years as she has done. An example to all of us.

My Mom proved once again what we all knew, she is cut from granite. Had a lumpectomy to remove a malignancy and you could not even tell the next day. She was picking up and rocking the baby, being Super Grammy.

Gotta run and host a party for one of my departing docs.

Love to all.

Special Delivery!

She has arrived and all are well.



Jacqueline Paige

Jacqueline Paige, born 12/6/06

6 lbs 14 oz 18.5 inches

We all enjoyed a great Christmas and had a good stretch of time off from work to get to know each other.

It has been a while and lots has happened.

The biggest news is that we are going to have a baby.

Jacqueline Paige Helmke, due Dec 14.

This is obviously a very bittersweet thing as Ashlyn should be here to share this experience with us. She did have the honor of naming her, as this was the name she planned to use for her future daughter. We felt it was a nice way of tying the two together.

We continue to work on the house, but it looks good and we take time off to enjoy life as opposed to slaving all weekend on this ongoing project.



We have also made great progress with Ashlyn's Foundation. We had a successful fundraiser a while back and are up to 22k, which now resides at the Greater Houston Community Foundation, who manages the money for us.

We are sponsoring two kids contests this year and will be finalizing plans to award the first scholarship next year. We have also been in contact with other families who have suffered a similar loss due to HCM and do cardiac teasing in their communities, so we plan to learn from their example and do the same in Galveston and beyond.

We appreciate the outpouring of support and look forward to keeping Ashlyn's name alive in the community and do good works that she would approve of.

Mahalo

Team Jola