When Ashlyn died, a very wise man told us that this would be a sad season, but that better days lay ahead. When you are mired in that kind of grief, an all consuming grief, it is hard to imagine better days.

Well, he was right.

It is hard to count our blessings these days. A new, vibrant and healthy baby girl for all of us. Many of Ash's friends are growing into fine adults with big dreams. So many good things and the news of a little brother for Ashlyn and JP to join us in April to top everything off.

I talked to Ash this morning and thanked her for looking out for her family, all of her friends and the people that love her. I asked her to keep an eye on our friend Wes, as he rises to meet the significant challenges that he faces. She has grown into a source of strength for so many and that is the greatest compliment that I could make about her character.

We have someone missing every time we eat dinner, get ready in the morning, take a trip or have fun as a family. We take her with us, but we miss the personality that helped shape the culture of our family.

We have big plans to honor Ashlyn through her foundation and the first major scholarship that we will award to a Ball High grad this spring. Five thousand dollars, gathered from people that either loved Ash or were inspired by her story, will be awarded to a kid that we think will make a positive impact in the world. Most importantly, it may provide an opportunity that may not have otherwise been there for a kid to fulfill their potential, which is the thing that bothers me the most about Ash's passing.

I'm going to get back to work, sorry that the posts have become more and more infrequent, but it's because I have been so busy counting our blessings.

A very tough day today.

It was on a Thursday two years ago that our old life ended. It was a rather innocent life, we had not really lost anyone close and the world was ours. One page at work from Ball High, one dreadful 45 minute drive to the UTMB ER and that was lost.

You cannot describe this kind of pain. Dark, dark, primitive pain.

We made noises, wails, that we had never made. We could not see due to the rivers of tears, our knees buckled and we shook.

Only through the support of people that we love did we survive that.

They fed us, they called us, they kept telling us that we would survive this and joy would again reenter our lives. To be honest, I did not believe them. Part of me wanted to leave everything behind because every reminder was just so painful.

But they were right. There is still a hole where a teenager should be, that will never go away. But there are new sources of light, new joys and challenges. Life is satisfying again, but we savor it like a fine meal. We treat it as if it could end at a moments notice and we want to squeeze every ounce out of it.

We are reminded of our girl constantly, and we cherish those moments. Every once in a while we get a gift, like the photo that I attached. I found it today.....a photo that we have not studied and tried to burn into our memory. This is from her school trip in 7th grade, which we ar so thankful that she took.

All of those kids are grown, driving, making adult decisions....sometimes living with adult consequences. We wonder aloud about what she would be into, what car she would be driving, where she would have gone to college.

We'll never know these things.

We will know that every day is a gift, we are not entitled to anything, and that the only thing that gives life value is the love that exists in it.

Well, our little angel turned two months this week and what a two months this has been.

You notice every little change in an infant, everything is a milestone; the smiles, the coos, the little looks. We are enjoying every moment.

Crissy goes back to work in a wee or so and I know that will be tough. She sends me phone photos every day to keep me in touch and lets me give a bottle when I get home. I have to admit, the traditional family roles are working in a very non-traditional family.

We are trying to get reramped up on Ashlyn's scholarship. We are trying to get a meeting together with the GISD folks to discuss the award and find out how that will be administered. We also have a new sticker design on the way, just to freshen things up.

Plenty going on, especially with the parents. Mom Mosier, who in reality is my step-Mom's (Kathy) Mom, passed away recently after spending the last few years being dutifully cared for by Mom Kathy and my Dad. They deserve a medal, I hope my kids care for me in my late years as she has done. An example to all of us.

My Mom proved once again what we all knew, she is cut from granite. Had a lumpectomy to remove a malignancy and you could not even tell the next day. She was picking up and rocking the baby, being Super Grammy.

Gotta run and host a party for one of my departing docs.

Love to all.

Special Delivery!

She has arrived and all are well.



Jacqueline Paige

Jacqueline Paige, born 12/6/06

6 lbs 14 oz 18.5 inches

We all enjoyed a great Christmas and had a good stretch of time off from work to get to know each other.

It has been a while and lots has happened.

The biggest news is that we are going to have a baby.

Jacqueline Paige Helmke, due Dec 14.

This is obviously a very bittersweet thing as Ashlyn should be here to share this experience with us. She did have the honor of naming her, as this was the name she planned to use for her future daughter. We felt it was a nice way of tying the two together.

We continue to work on the house, but it looks good and we take time off to enjoy life as opposed to slaving all weekend on this ongoing project.



We have also made great progress with Ashlyn's Foundation. We had a successful fundraiser a while back and are up to 22k, which now resides at the Greater Houston Community Foundation, who manages the money for us.

We are sponsoring two kids contests this year and will be finalizing plans to award the first scholarship next year. We have also been in contact with other families who have suffered a similar loss due to HCM and do cardiac teasing in their communities, so we plan to learn from their example and do the same in Galveston and beyond.

We appreciate the outpouring of support and look forward to keeping Ashlyn's name alive in the community and do good works that she would approve of.

Mahalo

Team Jola

Just wanted to report that at the recent Yaga's Children Fundraiser, they were kind enough to allow us to set up a table and we raised over $2,000. The YCF last year raised funds and purchased a defibrillator for Ball High in Ashlyn's name.

The foundation is really coming together and we have almost $22k committed to the effort. We have met some really great people who are in similar situations with loved ones and it has been good for us to try and find a positive avenue to channel our efforts.

Thanks to everyone who has supported this effort, I think Ashlyn is very proud of us.

PS - If you are interested in helping us reach our goal of $25k, please go to www.ashlynwouldgo.com for donation information.

Thursday, 20 April 2006

On a very normal Thursday one year ago April 21st, we received a call that would drastically alter the lives of our family. While moving from class to class during TAKS, our daughter collapsed and died at Ball High.

Since that time, we have pondered the meaning of life and concluded one very important thing....there are no guarantees of tomorrow.

Life is a fleeting thing and our mortality is a given, yet many of us take this for granted and squander the time that we have been provided by our maker.

There are plenty of you that cried with us during those dark days and reassured us that better days are ahead. We have learned a year later that this is true.

We grieve for someone that offered the world so much, but left us with such unrealized potential....or so we thought.

We have learned of so many instances where her spirit has motivated others to go places where she may have gone herself if given the opportunity...and the time.

We look to her and her example, hoping for that extra bit of courage and motivation, confidence and compassion. Her potential is being realized every day through the actions of many.
In an effort to help others reach their potential, we have established the Ashlyn Would Go! - Foundation for Futures.

This is a legitimate non-profit foundation whose broad mission will be devoted to promoting education, raising awareness regarding cardiac diseases and supporting the surfing tribes of Texas that have provided us with some very broad shoulders to cry on.

The funds raised to date and all future funds will be invested through the Greater Houston Community Foundation and can only be expended to non-profit entities, i.e. schools, churches or other 501(c)3 entities.

We would like to thank all of you, and especially our brothers and sisters at Surfrider Foundation, Texas Chapter for helping to support our efforts and making all of this possible.

We are in the process of updating the www.AshlynWouldGo.com website, so check back soon for updated info and other items.

Mahalo

Crissy & Joel Helmke